Kindlandia: Kindness in Dr. Seuss & an Old Irish Prayer

“Don’t cry because it is over. Smile because it happened.” ~Dr. Seuss
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When my aunt died in Germany in 2011, a quote echoing this sentiment was printed on her Memorial Announcement: “Don’t cry because she is gone. Smile because she was here.”
Remember back before 9/11 when we could visit with people during their layovers at the airport? It was a time when we could exchange a hug or catch up over a lunch or cup of coffee while whomever was waiting to switch planes for the next leg of their trip. I did not begrudge the shortness of the visit. I cherished those fleeting moments and felt thankful for the opportunity to connect.

A similar brief encounter with an admired seminary professor, The Rev. Dr. Flora Wellner, changed the course of my life, though it was my only office visit with her outside of class. In response to my question about exploring other denominations, she suggested I attend a local United Church of Christ (UCC). I would eventually become an ordained minister in the UCC! I will be forever grateful for that one precious hour.

Edythe, I recall an email you sent me after we’d only been acquainted for a couple years while you coped with your first cancer diagnosis. You’d read an article about friendship. It said, “It is not so much the length of a friendship as much as the depth.” You wrote me that although we had been together relatively briefly, we’d connected on such a deep level, that even if your cancer took you sooner than later, how much richer your life was because we’d met. Your focus was on what was, and not the possible loss.

I learned that some events change our lives forever when my grandmother, Omi, died in 1972, my husband in 1983, followed by the death of my son five years later. Out of these losses, I became aware that although I may not have control over the cards I am dealt in this life, I do have control over how I play my hand. I discovered that with intention and time I could choose to integrate these losses into my life.

Grief and mourning are vital elements in loss. They cannot be sidestepped. They can only be lived and worked through. Edythe, my effort to integrate your death into my life and to work through my grief this year was by writing you letters on one of our key bonds of friendship: kindness. My hope for the letters in the Kindlandia Blog was that they might bring not only me, but readers who are in grief, a balm for healing.

In response to my Blog Post last week, when I shared my recollections of your final days, a friend responded with the following poignant writing: “What moves through us is a silence, quiet sadness, a longing for one more day, one more word, one more touch. We may not understand why you left this earth so soon, or why you left before we were ready to say good-bye, but little by little, we begin to remember not just that you died, but that you lived. And that your life gave us memories too beautiful to forget.” (An Old Irish Prayer) This prayer provides me with one more stepping stone towards integrating your loss, by celebrating your life.

So, dearest Edythe, as we come to the first anniversary of your passing this week, I choose to hold on to the sentiment you shared from the magazine article that it is not the length but the depth of connection that matters. This is true whether it is a brief encounter between friends (or our 21 years!), or an airport visit, or an office visit with a professor. Truthfully, I may not always live the sentiment from Dr. Seuss, “Don’t cry because it is over. Smile because it happened.” Yet more and more as I recall our friendship, instead of tears, gratitude propels me to think of you and smile and hold you close as I move into a new year of fresh discoveries and new memories. I know you will be with me every step of the way!